1. |
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2. |
sand
02:36
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I promise to change
If the wind says it is okay
I promise to grow
if you are someone I know longer know
I promise to laugh
If my body allows me
I promise to sprint
if the sand around me should spin
I’ll follow it
To the depths
Of this
Where you stand
By the car
Waiting for me
I promise I cried
Or I shook myself as I tried.
I promise it hurt
There’s a million scuffs marks on my heart’s t-shrit.
I promise the lights
Are the best way to say goodbye
I promise I’ll go
There’s no other thing I currently know
Collapsed in snow
How our bodies wouldn’t glow
Decidedly so
I’ll come home
To a place I have never
Been shown.
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3. |
two dollar weekend
04:15
|
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I hate driving
But every mile away from you felt good
And I finally started smiling
Without waiting for you to tell me that I could
California sunshine
Is as constant and as toxic as advertised
As I’m sliding
Through the hills everyone said I’d always climb.
And I need to hate you
Spout the words from a megaphone outside.
But my heart’s too infinite
And the damn thing’s made of twine.
I don’t know if we
Will be congealed again as friends.
Or if we will
Speak just once more as the earth
Descends.
Two bad options
For this imaginary weekend
Two more dollars
You will never spend.
Whole days with a dearth of you
Are devastatingly great and dim.
I’m learning now
What I looked like the first time I was a “him.”
If I knew
Who was next in line to hold my hand.
I’d stop breathing
Do a clumsy little cartwheel in the sand
You'll never understand
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4. |
mild change
02:03
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I don’t know what the future molds
But I know it don’t hold you
I don’t know where the people roam
But I know they don’t go with you.
Not with you.
The big coast is full of used up gold
And candy-coated truth.
Rest my head in oblivion
Because the heart’s spraypainted blue
Crystal blue.
Little dances on the kitchen tile
Long ago but they look like new.
She dipped her hands into mild change
But shook as I followed through
That won’t do.
We all left something else before
Deciding on this tree.
The splinters in my knee will heal
But your gaze still hurts today
It won’t stay.
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5. |
||||
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Is it harsh if I say
I’m glad I didn’t have to stay
I’m lucky that I vanished
You deserve frozen lakes.
Do you really feel pain
With another rag for the shame
Wiping the spot where your waitress feet
Ached and fell down the drain.
It’s hard to admit I love the sun
When it used to scratch underneath my gums
There’s an end that we both started from
It just took us a while to learn how to run.
I’m green as I breath
But not as I love
Sticky notes don’t cover enough.
I’m living our dream
Those were your words
But anything shared is anything that hurts
We stood outside of the diner
And joked at you working there
Now you’re pouring my coffee
As I just stare.
I stood on those steps while the metal box sang
The moon wasn’t cold then but buzzed when it rang
I held your coat for 48 months
I reread the paragraph
Because I had rushed.
And was that lifetime with you
Scribbled onto your shoes
If so those sneakers have souls
Aglow in the dining room.
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6. |
bitters on the side
04:10
|
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|
It doesn’t get easier when you squeeze in one more week
Defined you when we met and I can’t edit without a drink
Forgetting vocals on the track is sometimes sweet
Bitters on the side
A dish for you and me.
In Santa Monica I’m a stranger and aloof
Except in a past life there’s sand lodged in my shoes
I really did grow tired every time I pushed snooze
The dreams ubiquitous
The notebooks lacking news.
There’s no dichotomy my brain can’t gnash apart
Like the thousand plus miles between you and my heart
There’s a life somewhere people never start
There’s no reset button
But there are spare parts.
I slip in deeper everytime you’re on the prowl
And new friends don’t need SparkNotes on me now
But it seems what I’m still best at
Is piecing words most piercing
When I know you’ll be hearing me out
Hear me out.
Missing people is odd from this view
I don’t want to climb back down cause this tree is brand new
This sapling structure is as strong as super glue
Industry makes a noise, the sobbing showers stew.
It’s permissible that you’d be so confused
But I can’t reciprocate nebulous love tunes
In here, it’s crystal clear, and I know all the words
So if you’re mumbling you can leave without a word.
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7. |
now i know
02:18
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You’re really good at being mean
I just realized this on a repeat viewing
Of all the frozen frames where I told myself it was me
Blame was a tattoo but only everyone else could see.
Emma watched every single bite
And couldn’t say a thing till tonight
she drew in golden marker in dying brick
“we’re all just here because you make us fucking sick”
You don’t have it anymore
You’re not allowed another spore
Thimbles of dissonance are cognitatively sore
You don’t have it anymore
No one could tell me
I loved you so much
That no one would tell me
I hate you so much
That now I know
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8. |
diverted grins
03:28
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Do you ever see me on your way up?
Do you ever see me on your way down?
Do you ever see me on your days off?
Did you ever know a day to frown?
Stars on rollerskates are worn out
The driver’s sleeping on his crime
And no one knows where I’ve really been
On a catapult through time.
People glance at me to inquire
Asking questions with ennui
Like how is it this kid is trusting
Who the fuck made him this way?
I want love the way they want stuff
Price labels making their wrists weak
I want love from every single
Chunk of broken asphalt in the street.
I’ll make a joke if it will warm me
And protect myself with diverted grins
I’ll pretend I don’t need anything
The edges fraying on my fins
Do you ever see me on your way up?
Do you ever see me on your way down?
Do you ever see me on your days off?
Did you ever know a day to frown?
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9. |
this is john
00:52
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